ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
there is glitter all over my balls
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
