Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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