is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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