So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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