I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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