I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
