can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
