I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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