ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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