Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
