Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
