Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It was confusing and full of hummus
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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