respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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