So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
