I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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