I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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