Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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