Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
