the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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