In the future we'll all be gay
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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