she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
