so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
