I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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