just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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