there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
