I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
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It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
where are my pants?
in the oven.