and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
