Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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