he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize