I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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