Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
