If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
