You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
