Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
