just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
