just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
