ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
