Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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