I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
