HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
