youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
