I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
