The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We just shotgunned beers for America
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
