i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
