My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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