i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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