I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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