Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
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That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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