I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
