Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
