He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
