is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Randomize
