at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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