so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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