Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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